CONGRATULATIONS TO ME!

It's a done deal. The blizz now has a JOB E. JOB that he is ecstatic about. I will only be eating the finest steaks and lobsters from here on out. My stomach will grow supple and rotund. I will share whatever steak and lobster that I do not consume w/ my loyals. Scraps are better than no scraps I say.

To all of you out there who are unemployed I just have one thing to say, GET A JOB SIR!

T T T T T T TOO MANY

To many days not getting job offers that is, but enough about me. How are my loyals doing? Are you having a nice day at work / lounging around in your apartment dicking around on the internet? Whatever you like. You are all good loyals, and thorough. Thoroughness is the key to being awesome and all of you are extremely thorough.

Cheer Up Emmis

To Whom it May Concern:

Please cheer up. You are far too kewl to be so down in the dumps. You will find a husband to assist you in the reproduction of young emmises (:-o <==B), however, you will only be able to find that joker in Shitcago (the land of opportunity and husbands). Shitcago is where the lonely come to find happiness and sleep on aerobeds in the living room / kithchen / dining room of their friends' tiny ass apartments. Emmis, you are not lonely b/c of you, you are lonely b/c you are so amazing that none of those giant douches in Shitboston know what to do w/ a wonderful young lady such as yourself. You are so genteel and ladylike. Don't fret young Emmis, dont fret. You are so awes, so very awes. We will hang out for all the days at Mars-sh and Franksh wedding. We will drink beers, talk fantasy baseball, have the barkeep at the hotel prepare us Miami Vices with only the finest liquors and bacardi frozen mixers. We can even bring decks of cards and cash to the reception and get a game of blackjack at our table. TOO MANY!!!!!!!!

Onto the good stuff: (1) STA is in 7th which means that the world is finally begining to revolve on its normal axis. (2) My insides are rotten, don't ask. I'm going to try this stuff though to try and alleviate the problem: http://www.colonblow.com/testimonials.htm (please read the 1st testimonial). (3) Lil' Bush is hallario. I love it when Babs Bush bangs lil' Cheney.

I've got nothing more to publish. I am jobless, broke and fat and am simply getting fatter by sitting on the couch typing. Poor guy. Don't worry though. I have begun taking steps to remedy this. I got fitted for a brazzier at Victoria's Secret today. I am a 44DD and i'm not bragging.

Dream Girls Ya'll

That Jennifer Hudson is not thin and I hate her. It's like i'm saying. Let's see what's new . . . hmmmmmmmmm . . . well, I am still unemployed, which is not awesome. I'm poor as hang. My fantasy team stinks and I am playing for next year by trying to accumulate young talent. I'm old and fat. I've gotta go get my cry on. Lattes

2 in 3 days, what gives?

What's up ya'll? Heyoooooooooooooooooooooo! H H H H Cough Cough H H H H eyoooooooooooo!
How bout Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle! Movin on up in the standings w/ 91.5 points. A-Rizzle-Rod, JJ Hardy and Tim Hudson are our studs and by studs I mean that only A-Rizz is worth a shit. My team pees on its balls. Giggity giggity giggity goo. Gi-gi-dee! Meg Griffin sucks.

Has anyone seen that Southpark when Jimmy and Timmy becomes Crips? That is a classic.
Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

Alright, it's time to go explore the great outdoors on this beatiful Chicago Saturday afternoon.

Lattes

Playoffs?!?!?!?!?

I'm going to start this blizz entry out a little differently than normal. I would like to share some video clips with all of my peeps.

This is one of my personal favorites. AI is the best and I think all of my loyals will feel the same way whether you have seen this multiple times or if this is your first opportunity to witness this piece of audatory brilliance. Enjoy!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FUYjD7A75HQ

This next clip is a video introduction to our girl New York from the hit reality series "I Love New York." This delightful young man is the roomate of the blizz's friend in DC. Vote for him early and often. We need some white bread representation in "I Love New York, Part Deux" so we are no longer victim to that rye.
http://ilovenewyork2.com/people/Montyman

That's all the clips I have for your viewing pleasure at this time. Now, without further adieu, onto the good stuff . . . How bout them Golden State Warriors. So thug, so scary, so nephew, so chocolatey, so illiterate yet so lovable. If I were to walk up to those guys I would be curious to see whether they would kill me or laugh hysterically when I tried to do some elaborate hand shake / dap with them. I love those guys. G-Unit!
Tommorow is a big day. Tommorow marks the day that I officially become an Esquire (potential employers who read this blizz please note that my services are still available). My resume is available upon request, which should be left in the comments section of this blizzle. Skeet!

Lattes

So Much Shiz Up in Hiz

There will be no dicking around today ya'll. There is so much to talk about and so little time. As I peer out of my windows and see the fog rolling in off of Lake Michigan it makes me poder several things:

(1) why is Whiz Jackson so dominant? The answer is simple: Whiz Jackson is often apologized to but refuses to apologize. Ex. "i'm sorry Whiz Jackson Ooooooooooo, I am fo' re-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-al." Apparently apologizing is for losers. I learned this cold hard fact / life lesson from a little movie I like to call "Little Miss Sunshine." I'll go ahead an be honest, the movie was pretty f-ing Nene Hillario. Go out and rent it if you want to laugh for all the days / a good 10 - 15 times during the movie. That little annoying / obnooxious actress that was at all of the awards shows actually turned in a solid if not spectacular performance. She has a pot belly and always has a semi-wedgie which is definetely amusing. The grandfather is clearly the best character in the movie. Straight up funny if you ask me (and vulgar too and I think we can all agree that there is no better character than once who is both funny and vulgar). Back to the point of this movie reference: Whiz Jackson is up 8-1 and could potentially close out the bball season w/ the season's 1st 9-0 shutout. That would be sweeter than pie. If I beat our friend David (not a reader b/c I would never tell him about this blizz b/c he would make fun of me) then I will proceed to rub it in his face for at least the next 3 months then I will lay off for a few months and then commence w/ the rubbing in again once the 2007-2008 NBA season begins in October. In yo face David, in yo face!

(2) I finally got the Shortstop that I will need to win back to back fantasy baseball championships. I pulled the wool over E. Rose Moustache's eyes and stole a good player from her (our good friend Carlos Guillen) in exchange for a guy who has a partially torn rotator cuff (Erik Bedard). In yo face Emmis! Syke! I just made that rotator cuff business up on the fly. I just wanted to see if your heart would skip a beat. To be a good blizz you've gotta be able to make that sort of stuff up spontaneously. I can and I am. Wooooooooooooooo! Wooooooooooooo! (Ric Flair style while holding up 4 fingers w/ your palm facing you and the opposable thumb tucked in behind your palm).

(3) The job hunt is going poorly to quite poorly. I'm really starting to get down on myself. Don't cry for me though, i'll make it through this rough stretch. I have this blog and that is all I need.

(4) F.U. Virginia P. Merriweather! You know why ("Credits for this digi pic: thank Virginia P. for quite poss the best pic I have ever laid my measly eyes on" - Beware the Blizzog). P.S. - I might have gone overboard w/ the picture at the top of today's post. I like Virginia P. alot.

(5) Trader Joe's is the greatest grocery store in any city that has one. Where else can you get blueberry ice cream, punjab choley and a $2 bottle of wine in one store? Maybe a quick-e-mart w/ a real Indian clerk behind the counter but that is the only other place. For cereally, Trader Joe's is the biz.

(6) Swedish Fish are still addicting.

(7) Steam cleaning a couch w/ a rented upholstery cleaner from Ace Hardware in Streeterville will leave your entire apartment covered in filthy, foamy water. Be careful!

(8) Jennifer "Jenny" Hoffercronopolous is equally as lazy as I am. I cannot believe that I have met my match. I don't know if she should now be my arch-nemesis or my partner in crime / no crime b/c we are to lazy to get off of the couch, which is necessary to commit the majority of crimes that I can think of (not some lazy man's crime like credit card fraud or identity theft). We will be battling it out for the title of laziest person in our apartment which is the equivalent of the finals in the world's laziest person double elimination tournament. I will keep my readers updated.

(9) Duncan Dizzles sausage, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich on a sour cream and onion bagel is crazy delicious.

(10) Lattes.