So Much Shiz Up in Hiz

There will be no dicking around today ya'll. There is so much to talk about and so little time. As I peer out of my windows and see the fog rolling in off of Lake Michigan it makes me poder several things:

(1) why is Whiz Jackson so dominant? The answer is simple: Whiz Jackson is often apologized to but refuses to apologize. Ex. "i'm sorry Whiz Jackson Ooooooooooo, I am fo' re-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-al." Apparently apologizing is for losers. I learned this cold hard fact / life lesson from a little movie I like to call "Little Miss Sunshine." I'll go ahead an be honest, the movie was pretty f-ing Nene Hillario. Go out and rent it if you want to laugh for all the days / a good 10 - 15 times during the movie. That little annoying / obnooxious actress that was at all of the awards shows actually turned in a solid if not spectacular performance. She has a pot belly and always has a semi-wedgie which is definetely amusing. The grandfather is clearly the best character in the movie. Straight up funny if you ask me (and vulgar too and I think we can all agree that there is no better character than once who is both funny and vulgar). Back to the point of this movie reference: Whiz Jackson is up 8-1 and could potentially close out the bball season w/ the season's 1st 9-0 shutout. That would be sweeter than pie. If I beat our friend David (not a reader b/c I would never tell him about this blizz b/c he would make fun of me) then I will proceed to rub it in his face for at least the next 3 months then I will lay off for a few months and then commence w/ the rubbing in again once the 2007-2008 NBA season begins in October. In yo face David, in yo face!

(2) I finally got the Shortstop that I will need to win back to back fantasy baseball championships. I pulled the wool over E. Rose Moustache's eyes and stole a good player from her (our good friend Carlos Guillen) in exchange for a guy who has a partially torn rotator cuff (Erik Bedard). In yo face Emmis! Syke! I just made that rotator cuff business up on the fly. I just wanted to see if your heart would skip a beat. To be a good blizz you've gotta be able to make that sort of stuff up spontaneously. I can and I am. Wooooooooooooooo! Wooooooooooooo! (Ric Flair style while holding up 4 fingers w/ your palm facing you and the opposable thumb tucked in behind your palm).

(3) The job hunt is going poorly to quite poorly. I'm really starting to get down on myself. Don't cry for me though, i'll make it through this rough stretch. I have this blog and that is all I need.

(4) F.U. Virginia P. Merriweather! You know why ("Credits for this digi pic: thank Virginia P. for quite poss the best pic I have ever laid my measly eyes on" - Beware the Blizzog). P.S. - I might have gone overboard w/ the picture at the top of today's post. I like Virginia P. alot.

(5) Trader Joe's is the greatest grocery store in any city that has one. Where else can you get blueberry ice cream, punjab choley and a $2 bottle of wine in one store? Maybe a quick-e-mart w/ a real Indian clerk behind the counter but that is the only other place. For cereally, Trader Joe's is the biz.

(6) Swedish Fish are still addicting.

(7) Steam cleaning a couch w/ a rented upholstery cleaner from Ace Hardware in Streeterville will leave your entire apartment covered in filthy, foamy water. Be careful!

(8) Jennifer "Jenny" Hoffercronopolous is equally as lazy as I am. I cannot believe that I have met my match. I don't know if she should now be my arch-nemesis or my partner in crime / no crime b/c we are to lazy to get off of the couch, which is necessary to commit the majority of crimes that I can think of (not some lazy man's crime like credit card fraud or identity theft). We will be battling it out for the title of laziest person in our apartment which is the equivalent of the finals in the world's laziest person double elimination tournament. I will keep my readers updated.

(9) Duncan Dizzles sausage, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich on a sour cream and onion bagel is crazy delicious.

(10) Lattes.